Are you a helicopter parent?

Are you a helicopter parent?

The term “helicopter parent” has been around for years. So, just what is helicopter parenting, and how does it affect children as they grow and become adults?

“A helicopter parent is an overprotective, overinvolved parent,” says Dr. Gabrielle Roberts, a pediatric psychologist at Advocate Children’s Hospital in Oak Lawn, Ill. “Helicopter parents constantly hover over their child to direct behavior, solve problems and prevent failure.”

Helicopter parents aim to smoothly guide their child to success while shielding them from challenges, frustrations, disappointments and setbacks. While Dr. Roberts says there aren’t necessarily benefits to helicopter parenting, those who adopt this style are generally well-meaning parents who want the best for their children.

It’s natural for parents to want to protect their children and want the best for them, but helicopter parents take these sentiments too far by offering too much protection and stepping in too often to guide children down a path to success that is often based on the parents’ value system and definition of success, not the child’s.

Even though helicopter parents hover over their children to guide them towards success and happiness in adulthood, Dr. Roberts says research has shown that children who have helicopter parents may actually struggle more in early adulthood than those who did not have overly involved and over-controlling parents.

Here are some examples of helicopter parenting:

  • Hovering: “Regardless of age, helicopter parents tend to micromanage their children’s lives and rush in to solve problems before their children have the opportunity to do so,” says Dr. Roberts. Following your child very closely on the playground, telling them how to play and what to play with or constantly swooping in to redirect their movements before they trip can all be signs of helicopter parenting.
  • Intervening in peer conflicts: As children age, they will get into conflicts. There are certainly circumstances in which parents need to intervene such as bullying or abuse, but kids also need the opportunity to try to resolve conflicts on their own. Constantly rectifying fights between your child and their friends? This could be a sign of helicopter parenting.
  • Doing your child’s homework: Helping your children with schoolwork isn’t necessarily bad, but if you find yourself doing their homework for them, completing projects they left until the last minute or calling the teacher every time your child receives a bad grade, it turns homework help into helicopter parenting.

These children may have difficulty taking on challenges and advocating for themselves later in life. Dr. Roberts says children raised with this parenting style can be less independent in adolescence and young adulthood than their counterparts and may fail to learn important developmental tasks like emotion regulation and problem solving. These children may still rely on their parents to rescue them from difficulties and may struggle with coping with failure and emotionally challenging situations. Young adults can certainly develop these skills over time, but the process may be delayed if they didn’t have the independence to practice these skills as children.

“The irony is that children with overprotective parents may emerge into adulthood as less resilient individuals and thus less protected from what life may throw at them,” says Dr. Roberts.

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Comments

One Comment

  1. One must be careful to use avoiding becoming a helicopter parent as a rationale to abdicate guidance.
    The fine article states
    “… too much protection and stepping in too often to guide children down a path to success that is often based on the parents’ value system and definition of success, not the child’s.” However if a child doesn’t have enough experience to have developed a value system, or needs some blatant explanations as to why a certain set of values may be better over others, or for some reason the child keeps figuratively steering in a wrong direction, regular parental input is warranted and justified. I’m in favor of a child realizing their own mistakes and successes, but some specific value points can be near irreversible. We guide a child in dietary choices. We disallow children ftom drinking liquor. We make sure they are safe learning to cross the street. Requiring homework being done, because those who do, generally do better in school, even though a student may start out with an inclination for homework to slide. Is that being a helicopter parent?

    Now, what amazes me is the helicopter parents that exist when their child enters college. Yikes.

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health enews Staff
health enews Staff

health enews staff is a group of experienced writers from our Advocate Aurora Health sites, which also includes freelance or intern writers.